An Old Friend

Dear blog,
I haven't heard from you for a while.
Please keep in touch.

Best wishes,
An old friend

Please Schedule an Appointment If You Wanna See Me, I'm Busy Nowadays (Giggling)

My upcoming events calendar:

Monday 21 September 2009
And So I Watch You From Afar

Tuesday 22 September 2009
Epic45
Piano Magic

Wednesday 23 September 2009
Lamb

Saturday 26 September 2009
Aphex Twin

Monday 5 October 2009
Bat for Lashes

Friday 9 October 2009
Zero 7

Saturday 10 October 2009
Plaid

Wednesday 14 October 2009
Kings of Convenience

Thursday 15 October 2009
Echo & The Bunnymen

Friday 16 October 2009
Nouvelle Vague

Wednesday 21 October 2009
This Will Destroy You
And So I Watch You From Afar

Thursday 22 October 2009
Do Make Say Think, Years, The Happiness Project

Friday 6 November 2009
The Cinematic Orchestra

Thursday 12 November 2009
Vladislav Delay

Wednesday 18 November 2009
65daysofstatic

Bir Kendim Bir Ben Gideyorum

Yes, I'm happy.
But not too happy.

Yes, yes, exactly;
Happy is me,
Happiness is we.

But not too happy.

Me?
or
We?

I love to be in contradiction,
One should also do this.

- 'I concur.'
- 'No, I don't.'

Cursed?

I can not write anything when I'm happy.

Except this.

Isola

'I go for a walk, alone though with guidance.
Search for answers, in you I find myself.

And your free will it kills me.
And it steals from you,
Though you don't see it.

Will you listen at all?'

ILYA - Isola

Escalator

Only me.

My own.

Nobody else.

Just me
is
enough.

It's so crowded already.

So many thoughts,
So many feelings,
So many inputs,
So many outcomes.

It's so crowded already.

Isolation
of soul.

Loneliness..
It's optional.

Confronting yourself.

Facing needs.
Awareness.

Actualization of self,
without using people as stepping stones.

You don't have to fuck people over to survive.
You are worthy on your own already.
Don't try to live over me.
Don't try to use me.

P L E A S E

-My roots of existence-

Enilghtened False Consciousness

-No,
No,
No!.....
Ma! Ma!
I can not fit in this dress!

-Maybe you have grown up sweetheart.

-What!?
I have to pack my bag then.

There are some remedies worse than the disease.
Somebody should have warn me before T.T

Shadow Art

I am not afraid of shadows. It merely means that there is a light somewhere.

Esprit de Divination

There's a genuine violence in softness and weakness.
Sometimes the selfishness is the most generous thing you can be.

My *esprit de divination.

*Great minds can sometimes guess the truth before they have either the evidence or arguments for it.

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

?

Emotional Ability For Starters

I have finally faced my loneliness.

Pretending that this was not serious.
It will come and go.
You insist;
'This is not the case!'
But suddenly,
you are feeling
D
O
W
N
.
.

The things that you try to make yourself believe.
On the other hand,
truths.
Things that you believe and don't.
You'll need and you won't.

A, B, C and D sets.
A intersection B.
B intersection C.
A∩B∩C∩D and more.
Hypotenuse, hippocampus, hippothalamus and more.


Common point:
My defences.
Do they intervene here?
Definitely, yes.
My perfect defences.
Like I used to write it down to remember it for future;
'Some of my defences are like baloons. Ready to explode when I fall down. Some of them are so tough, like a stone. It will not understood by out-of-doors, but I will be destroyed by the time I hit the stone. Little of them are like pillows. Pink and soft.'

An empty house.
That's what I needed.
But I can not go there.
My emotions.
I hate it.
The happiness of that house without me...
...it's killing me.
- 'It's not the people in it.'
- 'It's the house.'
Yeah,
keep on.
You are doing well.

- 'You are too distracted!'
- 'Not distracted.
I'm abstracted!'

Love my ignorance.
I've only just began.

Assholes

İhtiyacın ne kadar çoksa, kayıp o kadar fazladır.

The more you need, the more you lose.
Assholes.

How The Boat Drifts

What is chemo?
Do you really wanna learn grandma?
It's a kind of jellyfish that floats within your body.
It's the whitest noise.
No no no!
Don't be scared.
It rocks!
You'll love the coldness of your body,
You'll love the nausea.
We'll go to chemo every week and you'll love it.
What?
You wonder who is talking?
This is your grand daughter remember?
The one you used to love and care so much?
Please...
Remember that you'd miss me,
If you wouldn't see me for one day.

You wonder the meaning of the word 'day'?
It's the time for you to decide which way to go to reach the land while you are swimming in a fluid.
It's the frameless shape.

Hey, I'm here!
It's not the ceiling!
Yeah, this is your scar from your latest surgery.
You were amazing.
Doctors were blown by you!
Where are you going?
Don't hate me.
I love you.

Past Year Is Passed

I should be the happiest person in the whole world, I thought.
While I was drinking cold water from my blue hippo shaped flask, the only thing in my mind was the oversizeness of my grandma's breast.
Oh, how I love cold water.
Thanks to my fridge, I said.
He was more than a fridge. Even he was providing hot water for me.
A fridge?
Hot water?
Am I just going too far? Am I overdrawing my hero?
No.
My fridge is a hero. He needs to be overdrawn.
Wait, did I just implied that I was overdrawing?
Anyway, he is a hero. That's for sure. Like how an egg is an egg, my fridge is a hero.
At first sight I knew that he was never going to leave me, like the wig which I made from the legs of the spiders. If the spider leg wig is permanent, the fridge should be permanent too, like how an egg is an egg.
My fridge was a versatile one. Besides keeping all the things that I put inside, he could play basketball and swim well. I was putting all the things inside him, without discrimination; broccolies, cabbages, pickles, clutch plates, milk, motor fuel, beans, thoughts, lettuces, cadavers, cogwheels, hopes, marbles, cucumbers..

He was keeping them fresh like the first day.
But when I tried to put some bruised tomatoe, something happened.
My dreadful tomatoes were not fitting in.
Was I just too overburdening it?
'But my hero fridge should get them all!' I said fiercely.
Why was he making discrimination?
Was I just too overburdening it?
Should I take out some cucumber and try again?

-Please hold on.
.
.
.
Connecting cucumbers...
Calculating free space...

I understood, even if I take the cucumbers out, my ugly tomatoes would not fit in.
My fridge was making discrimination.
How unfair!
Or should I made a discrimination at the beginning, deciding what to put inside and what not to.
Ok. So let's don't put the tomatoes.
What?
You are not keeping cold anymore?
Are you kidding?
Let's make a deal. Don't give any hot water but keep the cold?
No? Just no?
After all this time, my hero fridge was telling me that.
How will I keep my caviar and hopes fresh?
Let's pretend that he is still refrigerating.

Ignorance is bliss.

Comparison

Scientists dream too.